Zij wilde de wereld zien, hij installeerde Google Earth.

Tuurlijk ... waar een wil is, is een weg. Helaas zijn er op de mijne steeds wegwerkzaamheden.

Nu kan ik ook mobiel bellen, op mijn nieuwe fiets zit een bel.

Ik heb pas toch nog eens een goed figuur geslagen ...
jammer dat ze terug sloeg !

Mijn creditcard is gestolen. Ik ga het niet aangeven, de dief verbruikt minder geld dan mijn vrouw.

Je dorp heeft gebeld. Ze willen hun idioot terug.

Ik kna 300 woodren pre mniuut tpynen.

Ik mis mijn ex nog steeds, maar het is er niet meer zo ver naast.

Weet je nog, dat we samen in de trein zaten en jij je hoofd uit het raam stak en ik met mijn blote reet er naast ging staan ...Iedereen dacht dat we broers waren !

Wetenschappers in de VS hebben bewezen dat mensen die slecht presteren in bed en moeilijk klaarkomen hun gsm met hun rechtse hand vasthouden ..................

Ze zijn dit weekend achter je rug bezig geweest, ze zeiden dat je een ezel was! Geen paniek, ik heb je verdedigd en gezegd dat ze niet alleen op je uiterlijk mogen afgaan!

na het eten nog een kick, steek een combie in de fik

liefde is blind, de buren niet !?

E man pays $.1,00 for a $.2,00 item that he needs, a woman pays $.2,00 for a $.1,00 item that she does not need.

Death is the greatest kick of all. That's why they save it for last!

Fifty years from now, tanda na ko nun! Di na cute, wala ng appeal, uugud-ugod, nguya nganga, dala baston. Pero pag uso pa ang text, iti text pa rin kita.

Farmer seeks woman with tractor. Please add photo of tractor.

Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock. Employee: Who's there? Boss: Not you anymore.

Birdy birdy in the sky, dropped a poopy in my eye, I dont worry I dont cry, Im just happy that cows cant fly!

A blond woman picks up a 100. Was it a smart or a stupid blond one? ...................... stupid of course, there are no others

3 monkeys escaped from the zoo ... one was caught watching tv ... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand

10.000 new jobs ... all tax inspectors?!

“Where's your sister?" "In the house playing a piano duet. I finished first."

(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!

"I say, waiter, this soup tastes funny!" "So why don't you laugh?"

"How many sheep have you got?" "I don't know. Every time I count them I fall asleep."

"Dad, where are the Himalayas?" "Ask your mother. She puts everything away." :)

!!News flash!! Indian earthquake kills 50 000! USA sending food. Australia sending clothes. britain sending...Replacements

A husband coming home from a confession and lifts his wife and carries her on his shoulder. Wife: Did the priest tell you to be so romantic like this? Husband: No, he told me to carry my cross. 

A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play *Magic*? She says: What's that? .....He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you dissappear.....

Opticians bend your the rims/frames of your glasses for they are too polite to say that your ears are in the wrong place.

Stress is when you wake up and realises that you haven't slept yet.

The best anti-virus program for a computer is SAFE-SEX. Leave the plastic cover on the floppy when inserting in drive.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Teachers help you with problems that you would not have if they were not there.

Teacher:"You can't sleep in class." Girl:"No, but if you didn't talk so loudly I could."

Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard!

My husband and I cannot decide... a dog or a child..do we ruin our carpet or our life?

My girlfriend ran off with my best friend after a relationship of four years....Oh how I miss my friend.

He was very lonely. The only type he knew was his blood type.

Happiness is a disaster. You get lazy. When you do not pay attention, you might start loving life.

I was a beautiful baby. But they switched my in the hospital.

Every ten seconds, somewhere on this earth, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

Do u take me 2 b ur lawful txt m8, 2 av & 2 hold in rich quotes & horny jokes, in txt matrimony & in poor signal, til low battery & no reception do us part?

Do not disturb, I am enough disturbed as it is . . .

Did I not see you yesterday at the mall, with a grey jacket? No? O, than it was a rubbish bag after all! .

Dear fellow texters, Due to Globeline problems, we are experiencing delayed messages. This is why as early as now I would like to greet you a Merry Christmas.

Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn't have if you didn't have a computer.

Braindetector activated, calibrating, now searching.........still searching......get a good grip of your gsm....still searching.......no brains found.

Boys say it's great, boys say it's fine. 9 months later they say it's not mine!